So apparently, ‘The Bling Ring’ is being made into a big screen movie starring Emma Watson and directed by Sofia Coppola. What.
Didn’t LMN do this already?
Is Sofia Coppola…REMAKING a Lifetime movie?
WHAT IS LIFE
WHAT IS LIFE
While she’s at it, why not consider some of Lifetime’s other gems for the big screen…
1. The Pregnancy Pact- BASED ON A TRUE-ISH STORY!! A group of girls decides to get preggers and raise their babies together. In a super conservative town. Which hates contraception anyway. So basically the town was asking for it but whatever. I suggest Selena Gomez in the starring role since she’s a bad girl now, starring in Spring Breakers and all, and some former Disney Channel stars who want to prove that they are ‘serious’ actors. Directed by That Lady Who Did Twilight. Please include gratuitous shots of the landscape. kthnxbye.
2. Blue Lagoon: The Awakening- This is a sequel of a sequel of a sequel (of a sequel) and is very dear to my heart as it was based in Trinidad. Never mind that they made us seem a bit careless with our tourists (I PROMISE WE AREN’T). Basically, girl and friends come here for a graduation trip, girl is convinced to break away and attend a ghetto boat party, falls off said boat while it’s being raided for drugs, guy jumps in to save her and both end up washed up on a random island conveniently filled with fruit and pretty waterfalls. I recommend Emma Stone and Liam Hemsworth for the leading roles, and we’ll get to watch Emma zing Liam with witty one liners about fruit and boats and missing their families. Woody Allen for director so we can see the characters’ internal (and slightly comedic) struggles.
3. Liz and Dick- I didn’t see this as I can’t stand the pain of Lindsay’s suffering career anymore. But whatever, remake with Lana Del Rey in her acting debut… because vintage! And directed by Baz Luhrmann because again, vintage! and shit gets crazyyy with Liz flinging breakable things about! Probably vintage things!
4. Fifteen and Pregnant- A Lifetime gem starring Kirsten Dunst in her pre-upside down kissing days. Since she probably can’t pass for 15 anymore, I recommend my beloved Jennifer Lawrence for this…CAN YOU SAY OSCAR? Directed by Wes Anderson for a whimsy effect.
5. A Woman Scorned- The Betty Broderick Story- This movie is the very definition of Lifetime. Woman gets cheated on, goes batshit crazy and kills her ex and his new wifey (living the dream, thought the crazy girlfriend). Meryl Streep for the lead! And Michael Bay as director because he’ll probably add a lot of entertaining, dramatic, and probably unnecessary explosions while killing the husband.
So there, Hollywood. My fantastic suggestions. Blame Sofia Coppola for this (YOU’RE WELCOME)
