I made terrible mistakes in my past.
I made friends with...annoying people.
I didn't know! I didn't know they would be so annoying!
I DIDN'T KNOW GOD DAMMIT!
I'm trapped with them...forever.
But here is how you can identify these people and run.
Run far away.
1. The Social Climber- So you have a nice circle of friends, everyone's awesome, random new comers here and there. Normel. BUT WAIT! WHAT'S THIS? Someone seems to be adding all your friends on the social networks! They're everywhere! Commenting on photos, 'liking' wall posts...surely, it's someone everyone knows right? WRONG! This here, good reader, is a Social Climber- a sub-human species that attempts to befriend all 'da kewl pplzzz'. Beware. They appear normal at first, but their annoying qualities make themselves known when they become comfortable. By that time, it's too late. You're already friends.
2. The Flatterer- This person seems soooo niceee. LIKE OMG. They ALWAYS tell you how good you look. Or how smart you are. They LOVE all your pictures on Facebook. They think your dog is a GENIUS. OH EM GEE. And why shouldn't they? You are lovely to behold, you're pretty brilliant and Sparky really is the canine Einstein. But what about that day you know you aren't looking that good? Why is he/she telling you Angelina Jolie would be jelly? Something doesn't quite fit. This person is a compulsive flatterer. Almost everything they say, true or not, is a compliment. And yes, that is nice. For about five minutes. And if they can lie about your greasy hair looking fab, then what else can they lie about? RUN.
3.The Toter- This poor kid seems to be so unlucky. Something bad is always happening to them. They encounter bitchy girls EVERYWHERE, their friends are AWFUL people because they didn't invite them to that party, haters gonna HATE... This annoying person totes feelings about EVERYTHING. Every status, every link posted, every comment, and every real life conversation alludes to the misfortunes they experience. These are hardly ever genuine problems and are simply exaggerated. Unless you want to end up being Dr Phil for this drama queen, get up and go. NOW.
4. The Lonely Hearts Club- These guys and girls are just looking for love. Everywhere. And they are not ashamed or discreet about it. 'AH WANT AH MAN' or 'TIME TO GET AH GYUL' are normal things to be seen on their profiles. In real life, they can be seen talking to any good looking member of their chosen sex. They'll tackle him, her, your ex, your ex's ex, people with girlfriends, people with boyfriends, people engaged to be married, people who ARE married...hey, once it's breathing, it's game! These desperate people are ones to stay away from unless you want to play matchmaker.
5. The Attention Whore- They are addicts, and attention is the drug of choice. They'll do anything, from post about their periods, how many girls they banged (This is not 'How I Met Your Mother' and you are not Barney Stinson. Stop that) to tweeting about everything. I do mean everything... *Going to the bathroom. Taking a shit. Right now. LOLOLOL*. And then there are the ones who are convinced your innocent youtube link to a clip from 'My Little Pony' has something against women's rights, and they argue passionately about it. Everything is about them and against their extremely strong views. If you haven't the guts for the TMI or energy to argue, I suggest you ignore. And they'll go away.
Now get your running shoes and...ready...set...GO!
